You lie awake all night thinking about it; trying to rationalise what happened. You convince yourself that your feeling of revulsion confirms that you are not gay. Maybe this event will help you stop the crossdressing. For a few weeks after, you resist your stash of women’s clothing. You tell yourself that you’ve shaken the habit. Then, one night alone at home, you feel bored. A little frisky! Just like one drink can’t do any harm with an alcoholic, just dressing one more time to relieve the loneliness; the sexual tension built up over a few weeks of abstinence; and the boom, can’t hurt. Can it? You find yourself reliving that night. Aroused by the sexual intensity, the girlyness; the sissiness and the humiliation of it. And the intense and nauseating feeling of worthlessness and shame when you have ejaculated into your panties. You thought that when you married and settled into married life and regular sexual activity with your wife it would all stop and go. "I love his "Hi's."I just wanted to call and thank you for going out with me this Saturdaynight. It will be fun.And hey, I don't even know where you live. What is your address? Ok gotit. See you at 7:00 then? Ok, bye."I couldn't really talk as my mother ear was straining to hear everylittle detail of my conversation."Mother, please. You are going to scare away ever guy who wants to talkto me." Oh, Beth. I am sorry. I guess I am so happy for you, your firstdate!" Oh, honey there is soo much we need to get ready for and I don't justmean what outfit you will be wearing. Romeo is a boy; a real boy and hemay want things from you. We need to talk. Really talk."Talk, what is there to talk about? I am in love. I think.He can have anything he wants - from me.On Friday night as I was getting ready for bed, there is a knock on mydoor.My father!And he had been drinking. He only drinks on the weekends and I couldtell something is really up setting him."Beth, Beth, can I come" as he.
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